God loves us. Not just the saints, but also (especially and thankfully) us sinners. This is something I’ve wrestles with my whole life. I’ve always thought I had to earn his love, clean myself up before “approaching the throne” in the hopes that I could sway his affections. When I’d mess up, I’d start the cycle all over again, work for long stretches at being good, and eventually stumble, making me bitter, frustrated and angry and pushing me farther from my “throne appointment”. It’s been a vicious cycle, and the result has been less than optimal. I’ve spent most of my life in some state of frustrated limbo, working hard at times for a goal that was unachievable. I realize now that God’s love isn’t earned. It’s given freely. I just have to accept it. That’s grace.
So why this muddled Grace 101 dissertation? Because yesterday, I saw this in action. I didn’t deserve what happened yesterday. In a single moment, I saw it clearly, glaringly. God loves me, and He provides even though I don’t deserve it. He only asks that we follow him.
We’ve scratched our heads so many times since this journey began. The top FAQ is, “Are we supposed to be here?” Followed closely by, “What are we supposed to be doing?”. Yesterday, the first question was answered. Yes, we are supposed to be here. That was made clear when out of the blue, God dropped an unprecedented, undeserverd game-changer squarely in our laps. It was amazing but it forced a re-evaluation of that second question about what we’re supposed to be doing, or more specifically, which of the things we’re supposed to be most focussed on.
I’m not saying things are going to drastically change in our mission. We may “simply” have more energy to dedicate to what we’re already doing, or some priorities may shift but I suspect we’ll likely be doing the same types of things. But speaking for myself, my heart has changed. I realize now more than ever that this was a calling. It was nuts otherwise. And because it was a calling I need to be focussed on it, not distracted by the details that time and time again God has proven he’s going to take care of.
I’m energized and as a family we are blessed to have this opportunity. We are humbled and thankful for this blessing, and what feels like a fresh start.
